Don’t Lose Yourself for Him

By Jon Puché

lose yaself

How many times have we jumped through hoops or done beyond what was necessary to please the man we love, or at least thought we loved. We do things for our lovers, or the guy we loved at that time, we would never do for another individual and come up with the same sorry ass rationale to make ourselves believe it’s truly worth it.  We let them lie, cheat, steal, lie some more, cheat some more, emotionally disrespect us and for some of us, even physically hurt us. The sad thing is, some of us actually believe that in order to get and keep a man we have to somehow alter ourselves and diminish our moral values to hold his interest. Some would rather please the next by satisfying their guys ego or by servicing his growing bulge in those true religion jeans he wears before even acknowledging their own need to be pleased.

And when I say pleased I don’t mean just sexually.

“Some of us don’t have problems in the bedroom,” but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any problems. For those of us who seem content with our bedroom romps, “Good for you” but they usually are the ones that have other problems outside of the physical. For example, you have those who feel that giving a man money or buying him gifts would and should keep him around or at the very least keep him interested and we say stupid shit like, “I wanted him to have it”, or “if I got it you got it,” to make us feel better.

BITCH please! When’s the last time he wanted you to have something? or better yet, when has anything of his became yawl’s? What about those guys that you meet, your instantly attracted to, y’all date a while, y’all have sex and you find out that he has a girlfriend or another boyfriend that he fucks on a regular basis when he’s not with you and you know it and you still allow him come “drop it off in your drawls”. That type of guy doesn’t deserve you.

Girl, get it together. That wasn’t even OK when we were teenagers but we didn’t know any better so we allowed it but from one grown ass man to the next, “That’s not cute booboo”. If he can’t fully accept and respect himself or that fish or the next queen, what makes you think he can accept and respect you.

People tend to show you who they really are at the very beginning but because we are blinded by the sheer lust over the present circumstances provided, we ignore those signs and chuck it up to the “game” or confuse yourself by believing that misinterpreted the sign. No hunny, you read him right.

If you’ve ever done something for a man, or anyone for that matter, and immediately after had second thoughts about it and almost wished you didn’t do it, that’s when you know you have lost yourself. That’s when you know you have forgotten the main objective which is and always should be YOU. Now there is a deference in being selfish and making yourself a priority and I will admit that the line used to separate the two is very fine but its manageability is walk-able and the key to having a successful relationship whether it’s for the moment or the long haul is being able to make a distinction of the two. You should not have to “LOSE YOURSELF” to make the next man happy. Your being happy should be the only reason he’s happy. A man inclined with who he is and what he wants wouldn’t let you choose to lose your inhibitions, he would help you garner them and make them profitable for the both of you mentally and physically.

There are a lot of frauds out there and the live off those who allow them to live through them. You shouldn’t be losing yourself for some guy. You should be losing your insecurities and losing your childlike mentality not who you are. After all, that’s the best thing about you.



  1. Thank you for writing this 🙂

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